What happens in child counselling? A guide for parents
In short
Child counselling usually starts with a conversation with you, the parent, before your child comes in. After that your child has regular sessions, often weekly, where they play, draw, use the sand tray or talk, at their own pace. What your child says stays private unless there's a safety worry, and you meet the counsellor separately from time to time to hear how things are going.
On this page
Once you’ve decided to look into counselling for your child, the next question is usually what actually happens in there. Parents picture a child on a sofa being asked about their feelings, and wonder how their seven-year-old, who won’t tell them what they had for lunch, is going to manage that. In practice child counselling looks very different, and knowing what to expect makes the first weeks easier for everyone.
What happens before the first session?
Before your child comes in, you and the counsellor talk. This is where you explain what you’ve been noticing, and the counsellor finds out about your child’s history, their family, what they enjoy and what they find hard.
With us it usually goes like this:
- A free 15-minute call, so you can ask questions and see whether we feel like a good fit.
- A longer conversation with you, without your child, about what’s been going on and what you’d like to change.
- Agreeing practical things, such as whether sessions happen at our clinic in north Manchester, in school or online, the day and time, and how you’ll be kept up to date.
- Getting your child ready. Our guide on how to tell your child about counselling has example words for different ages.
What happens in a child’s first session?
The first session is mostly about getting to know each other. Your child sees the room, finds out what’s in it and hears, in simple words, what the sessions are for and what stays private.
Most children spend that first time exploring. They might go straight to the sand tray, or tip out the figures, or sit close to the door and watch for a while. All of that is fine. Nobody is asked to explain why they’ve come. With very young children a parent sometimes stays for the start, until they’ve settled.
What happens in the sessions after that?
After the first session your child comes regularly, usually once a week at the same time, and the sessions follow their lead. This is what play-based counselling means in practice. Your child chooses what to do, and the counsellor joins in, notices and reflects back what they see.
| What your child might do | What it can help with |
|---|---|
| Build a world in the sand tray with small figures | Show something that’s hard to put into words, such as a family change |
| Play out a story with puppets or animals | Try out feelings like anger or fear at a safe distance |
| Draw, paint or use clay | Let off feelings and calm down |
| Play a board game | Practise losing and waiting, with an adult who stays calm |
| Talk, often older children and teenagers | Make sense of what’s happening and think about what to do next |
Teenagers tend to talk more, though many still like something in their hands while they do. Some families prefer online counselling, which works well for many older children and for young people who find travelling difficult.
What will I be told as a parent?
You’ll hear about the general themes and how your child is getting on, but not the details of what they said or played. That privacy is what makes it possible for a child to bring out things they’re worried will upset you. We meet with parents separately at regular points, and you can always ask for a conversation sooner.
There is one clear limit. If anything suggests your child, or someone else, is at risk of harm, the counsellor has to act on it. Children are told this in words that make sense for their age, right at the start.
How long does child counselling take?
It depends on your child and what’s going on for them, so there’s no fixed number of sessions. Some children need a short run of sessions around a particular event. Others, especially children carrying something long-standing, benefit from longer. We review together as we go, so you’re never left wondering why sessions are still happening.
You’ll know it’s helping when you notice small changes at home. Outbursts may come less often or blow over sooner. Your child might say “I’m cross” instead of throwing something, or go back to an activity they’d dropped. Change is rarely a straight line, and a wobble around a holiday or a change at school is normal.
If you’d like to talk through whether counselling is right for your child, you can book a free 15-minute call.
Other questions parents ask
Will my child have to talk about what's wrong?
No. Children can play, draw or build in the sand without saying much at all, and plenty of the work happens that way. Some children start talking after a few weeks, and some say most of it through play.
Can my child have counselling at school?
Yes, if the school agrees. Some children find it easier to be seen during the school day in a place they already know. We also see children at our clinic in north Manchester and online.
What if my child seems worse after the first few sessions?
It can happen. Feelings that have been held in sometimes come out more before they settle. Tell the counsellor what you're seeing, as it's useful for the work, and ask to talk it through at your next parent meeting.
Will you tell me what my child says?
We'll tell you about themes and how your child is getting on, but not the details of what they say or play. That privacy is what lets children open up. If we're ever worried about your child's safety, we'll act on it and, wherever we can, talk to you first.
Sources and further reading
This article is general information, not a substitute for advice about your own child. If you are worried, speak to your GP, your child's school, or book a call with us.