Glossary
What is emotional regulation?
Also called: emotion regulation, self-regulation, co-regulation, emotional dysregulation, dysregulated
Definition
Emotional regulation is the ability to notice a feeling, manage how strongly it shows and come back to calm afterwards, a skill children develop slowly with help from the adults around them.
What it means
Regulation does not mean never getting upset. It means having some say over what happens next. Babies can’t do this at all and rely completely on adults to soothe them, which is called co-regulation. Over years, children borrow that calm and slowly learn to do some of it themselves.
When people say a child is “dysregulated”, they mean the child’s feelings have run past what they can manage right now. All children get dysregulated sometimes. Children with ADHD or autism, children who are very anxious and children who have been through hard experiences often find regulation harder and need more support with it for longer. Tiredness, hunger and illness make it harder for everyone.
What it can look like for your child
Going from fine to furious in seconds. Crying for a long time over something small. Struggling to stop laughing or calm down after an exciting game. Taking ages to settle after an argument, or holding it together all day and collapsing at bedtime. A child who struggles with regulation is often described at school as “having behaviour”.
How counselling can help
We help children recognise feelings in their bodies, give them names and try out ways of calming down that suit them, such as movement, squeezing something, breathing games or time alone. We practise these when the child is calm, because nobody learns a new skill mid-meltdown. Parents are part of this. We share what helps, and talk about how your own calm can steady your child, which is easier said than done on a bad day.